Mediocre is... OK?!?

This past week I've been coming to grips with mediocrity. I've always been mediocre is some (or many, depending who you ask) areas of life. But, I've usually been pretty well at the top of my classes. Now, I'll be honest, I enjoyed that quite a bit, and it made me feel real good about myself to know that if I put in the work, that I could do pretty well on whatever I was doing. Well, I think those days may be over...

In the past three or so weeks since school started, I have been made acutely aware of the fact that I am not (in fact) the smartest or most brilliant person in the world. I mean, I already knew that, but what I mean is that I feel, sort of, mediocre (at best). And I guess that's OK, but it is a little bit of a change. Especially for someone who has put so much emphasis on getting the "best" grades, and wanted to "win" competitions with certain people (you know who are probably), to be the "average" is sort of disheartening.

The thing is, I was warned that this would happen. I went to an interview at Baylor last fall, and even though I'm not going there, I think what they told me still holds true. They said that we would need to get used to being in the "middle of the curve", because there were so many smart people there. I definitely feel in the middle of the curve right now. And I think that I'm just finally starting to understand just how frustrating it can be to not be the one getting A's or High Pass, or whatever standard you want to set.

I think that one of the things that I need to do going forward is to forget about being competitive, and remember that I'm not competing with anyone (well, I guess kind of I am), and I shouldn't let it get to me that someone else knows, say, the branches of the axillary artery, better than I do. I need to not get upset about it, or get mad at them, or myself. I need to just do what I need to do to get me to learn what I need to know, and not worry about what my classmates think about me, or what I think about them. Of course that's easier said than done. But to quote my uncle, you have to act your way into feeling, not feel your way into acting sometimes. And what that means for me is that I need to stop acting like it bothers me when people know more than I do, and hopefully it will cause me less stress in the long run.

In addition, I'm hoping that I start to settle into a groove in my studies and in living in South Bend before too long. I think that will really go a long way toward making me a happier, and better all around person. Hopefully a good nights' sleep will also help. Goodnight.